you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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