Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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