i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found puke in my bra..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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