party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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