let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
