I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
