It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
