I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
