I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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