Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So vagazzling was a success
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
