the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
