I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
