Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
My liver just had a heart attack.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.