dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
