i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?