i will never coherently bang her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.