never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.