i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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