Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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