my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize