K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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