Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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