Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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