piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
