My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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