is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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