Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
