Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
