so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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