And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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