i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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