i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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