I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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