Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
