WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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