she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
