You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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