i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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