Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
