I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
