i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize