I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
