The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
