so that wasnt chicken after all
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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