...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
