Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize