then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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