Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
