If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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