i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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