it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
