The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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