And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The air taste purple.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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