You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
