I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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