took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
