I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
