i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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