I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
