So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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