The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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