i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dicks are not precious.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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