I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
