who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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