there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
