Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
