one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
