remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize