New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
