I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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