the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
