$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she told me i tasted like america
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize