The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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