I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
