if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
